Me Mudder
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WHEN MY PRAYERS WERE POORLY SAID
WHO TUCKED ME IN ME WIDDLE BED
AND SPANKED ME BUTT TILL IT WAS RED?
.....ME MUDDER
IN THE MORNING, WHEN THE LIGHTS WOULD COME
AND IN ME CRIB ME DRIBBLEDSOME
WHO WIPED ME WIDDLE TINY BUN?
.....ME MUDDER
WHO TOOK ME FROM ME COZY COT
AND PLACED ME ON ME ICE COLD POT
AND MADE ME PEE-PEE WHEN ME COULD NOT?
.....ME MUDDER
WHO'S HAIR SO GENTLY SHE WOULD APART
AND HOLD ME TIGHTLY TO HER HEART
AND SOMETIMES SQUEEZE ME UNTIL I'D FART?
.....ME MUDDER
WHO LOOKED AT ME WITH EYEBROWS DROOPED
AND SCREAMED AND YELLED TIL SHE HAD THE CROUP
WHEN IN ME SUNDAY PANTS I - POOPED?
.....ME MUDDER
AND AT NIGHT WHEN THE BED DID SQUEAK
AND ME RAISED ME HEAD TO HAVE A PEAK
WHO YELLED AT ME TO GO TO SLEEP?
.....ME MUDDER
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A GRANDMOTHER IS A LADY WHO HAS NO LITTLE CHILDREN OF HER OWN.
SHE LIKES OTHER PEOPLE'S.
A GRANDFATHER IS A MAN GRANDMOTHER.
GRANDMOTHERS DON'T HAVE TO DO ANYTHING EXCEPT BE THERE.
THEY ARE OLD, SO THEY SHOULDN'T PLAY HARD OR RUN.
IT IS ENOUGH IF THEY DRIVE US TO THE MARKET AND HAVE A LOT OF DIMES
READY. WHEN THEY TAKE US FOR WALKS, THEY SLOW DOWN PAST PRETTY THINGS
LIKE CATERPILLARS AND LEAVES. THEY NEVER SAY, " HURRY UP."
USUALLY GRANDMOTHERS ARE FAT, BUT NOT TOO FAT TO TIE YOUR SHOES. THEY
WEAR GLASSES AND FUNNY UNDERWEAR. THEY CAN TAKE THEIR TEETH AND GUMS OUT.
GRANDMOTHERS DON'T HAVE TO BE SMART, ONLY ANSWER QUESTIONS LIKE, " WHY
ISN'T GOD MARRIED?" AND "HOW COME DOGS CASE CATS?" WHEN THEY READ TO US,
THEY DON'T SKIP PAGES, OR MIND IF WE AS FOR THE SAME STORY OVER A GAIN.
EVERYBODY SHOULD TRY TO HAVE A GRANDMOTHER, ESPECIALLY IF YOU DON'T HAVE
A TELEVISION. THEY ARE THE ONLY GROWNUPS WHO HAVE TIME.
WRITTEN BY CHANCE ... AGE 11
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