Moby in the Morning Show here on

Little Man

Out went the lights
I've been chastised
By the power of punch
when I mention her size
I'm bruised by love again
I'm the little man

Oh, you'd think that I'd get smarter
And I'd say the things that start her
On the war paths with poor old me
I'm really not a wimp
But she's the Goodyear Blimp
I should say that she's good lookin'
And I really like her cookin'
At least until the bruise is healed
But all I say is that
You're really not so fat

Out went the lights
I've been chastised
by the power of the punch
When I mention her size
My teeth won't grow back in
I'm the little man

So, I tell her she is amazin'
That most things her size are grazin'
I'd really like to take her out
But I'm out of luck
Without a bigger truck
Then I'd tell her that I love her
All three hundred and ten pounds of her
Then she runs me over with her car
There ain't no way to win
Here she comes again

Out went the lights
I've been chastised
By the power of the punch
When I mention her size
With luck I'll walk again
I'm the little man

Out went the lights
I've been chastised
By the power of punch
When I mention her size
With luck I'll walk again
I'm the little man

Out went the lights
I've been chastised
By the power of the punch
When I mention her size
These broken bones will mend
I'm the little man

Out went the lights
I've been chastised
By the power of punch
When I mention her size
I'm bruised by love again

I'm her biggest fan
I'm the little man


What's in Spam

I'm hungry at three in the morning
I quietly slip out of bed
I turn on the light in the kitchen
And get out the mayonnaise and bread
I fumble around in the cabinet
And take out the can with the key
I open it up and slice enough
For a sandwich or three

But I don't even know what's in Spam
I just take a bite, down it goes
No, I don't even know what's in Spam
And I think its best not to know

I tried not to rattle the dishes
But she woke and walked through the door
She said "Cut off two more slices,
And I'll have a beer if there's more"
As I stood there makin' her sandwich
She turned on our color T.V.
The rerun showed two folks past midnight
And opened a can with the key

We don't even know what's in Spam
A line first spoke years ago
No, we don't even know what's in spam
And I'm sure that its best we don't know

No, we don't even know what's in Spam
And I think its best not to know


Pansy

Well, I remember the kids in our neighborhood
And man those kids was mean
You had to be tough
A real, real sweet
So, I became a queen
It wasn't very long
Til' my momma knew
I wasn't quite like the rest
But the kids next door said
I looked real cute
In my big sister's heels and dress
Then one Friday night
I curled my hair
And painted my eyes and lips
And then I stepped into
My favorite dancin' dress
That showed the Harley tattoo on my hip
And I knew that the men
Would think that I looked good
When my momma walked in
And there stood a woman
Where her full grown son had stood

She said, "Wear those high heels
And pansie don't let me down
Then you'll fool the men tonight
At that dance in town"

Then I sprayed on a little perfume
Grabbed my purse and hit the street
And the taxi driver said, "Where to ma'am"
And that made me feel real neat

In town I paid the cover charge
Determined to take a chance
Then a cowboy said, "My name is Butch
Can I have this dance"
He took my hand and pulled me close
And he said, "You seem so shy"
And I said to him when the lights went dim
"Ooh, you're my kind of guy"
He handed me a heart-shaped locket
That said, "To thine own self be true"
And I nearly died when that burly guy
Said, "I'm in love with you"

So, that cowboy liked his pansie girl in a gown
And we stayed there till that dance
Had all closed down
Well, that man's my dream come true
Though I dress like his sisters do
Now the man I love
Is spinning me around

When the music stopped
He said, "Let's hop
In my truck and go to my place"
And don't you know,
I said I couldn't go
As my heartbeat started to race
He said, "Okay, I'll go away"
As a tear came to his eye
But before I go
You gotta know
I'm really not a guy
I wasn't believing
What my eyes was seeing
And there stood a six foot one cowgirl
Where my cowboy just had sat
I knew I'd be spending
My life with Butch
Without my head hung down in shame
Cause we can wear each other's clothes
Hey, Pansie is my name

So, now is Butch and Pansie's
Night in town
With her in my jeans
And me in her evening gown
The only problem we foresee
Is when we dance who gets to lead
And when the music stops
Who curtsy and who bows

Well I remember the kids in our neighborhood
And man those kids was mean (fade out)


Blond's the Dumbest

I've been a single man
For nine on fifty years
Then I sent off for a bride
From a catalogue just like Sears
They told me, "No problem sir
Just order and please be honest
Said, well I don't want one too smart
Send me the blondest

A few weeks went by
I was at my door everyday
To hear from my blond
And hear the stupid stuff that she'd say
I knew she'd need my help
And I'd give it to her
Lord, I promised
Cause that guy on the phone swore
She'd be the blondest

She's comin' on the bus today
And I'm going to recieve her
She'll fix my meals
And bring my beer
My golden retriever
I'll shine a light in her ear
And see the twinkle in her eye
Really, honest
Awh, she gets here today
And she's the blondest

But when she heard my plan
That girl was real unkind
And told me I was crazy in my mind
She said she would not marry me
If I thought she would
I was out of my tree
She wasn't what I had expected
But at least she was honest
And when she left
I heard her say, "I'm not the blondest"

Yeah, when she left
I heard her say
"I'm not the blondest"


Doublewide Queen

Well the sign said
All You Can Eat restaurant
$5.99 with lots of ice tea
As I hit the buffet
For the second time
There she was grinnin' at me
She asked me did I want
That last hot roll
I said go ahead
And I'll just wait
We sat down and fell madly in love
By the time we finished up the third plate

And I made her the double-wide queen of my trailor
With her polyester britches
And her government check
She's a little too big
For guys to assail her
Just me and her
And her multiple necks

And then one night
She met the guy that owned
A Domino's and Steakhouse, too
He told her baby
If that don't feel you up
I'll buy a place
That sells bar-b-que
I told her hunny
That sure sounds good
I understand
Oh, yes I do
but tell your friend
That if he don't mind
I think that I'm comin' with you

Cause, this here's the double-wide queen of my trailor
With her polyester britches
And her government check
She's a little too big
For guys to assail her
Just me and him and her
And her multiple necks

I said this here's the queen
Of my double-wide trailor
With her polyester britches
And her government check
She's a little too big
For guys to assail her
Just me and her
And her multiple necks

I said this here's the queen
Of my double-wide trailor
With her polyester britches
And her government check
She's a little too big
For guys to assail her
Just me and her
And her multiple necks

Trying Stuff On

Hello, I'm Johnny Cash
Last night I dug your picture out
From our old dresser drawer
I sat it on the table
And I talked to it till four
But then I saw your teddy
On the night stand By the phone
Now, I've been sitting alone
Trying stuff on

Willie...
But I looked through your jewelry
For your clip-on loop earrring
Your underwear and make-up
And accessorizing things
And I plundered through your closet
Til I found and extra-long
Yeah, I've been sitting at home
Trying stuff on

Tryin' stuff on
I'm trying stuff on
Your fishnet hose
And your faberge' cologne
You left me with your memory
And the wardrobe that you owned
So, now I'm sitting at home
Trying stuff on

I tried your sequend ball gown
and checked the mirror there
I looked like Cindy Crawford
But with much more body hair
Then I thought
I'm much too cute
To sit here all alone
So, I'm at Happy Hour
With your stuff on

Your stuff on
I've got your stuff on
Your six inch heels
And the dress with pink chiffon
You left me with your memory
And the wardrobe that you owned
And I don't pay for drinks
With your stuff on
You left me with your memory
And the wardrobe that you owned
This trucker don't know its
With your stuff on
I've got your stuff on (fade out)