And it came to pass that there was health-care reform, With apologies to the prophet Amos But the people did not understand the meaning of that reform; and their leaders ignored the doctors who cried out, ‘woe is all of us,’ being so much smarter than the doctors who work in health-care. But the people wanted something free, and their leaders did therefore give away the farm, so to speak. So, the people will suffer higher taxes, both they and their descendants for generation upon generation. The economy will sink like the great elephant in a huge vat of oil; and other countries will make collages of the dollar, for it will be held worthless, owing to the forces of inflation and stuff. The insurance companies the people hated, hated bitterly for their denials and cost, these will surely pass away since no one has to buy insurance until they get sick, and will not have put in money in the first place, forsooth. Then the great god government will swoop in and own it all! And a plague of fees and smaller taxes, like scurrying things on the ground, will descend upon the people, who will pay more taxes on insurance and soda, on movies and cars, on chocolate and ammunition, alcohol and guns and gasoline (all the good things). And the great beast VAT will devour all the rest of their money like warm oatmeal on a cold morning, will the VAT slurp up their dollars. Verily. But care there will be; and yet, mysteriously, not be. And we will wish to drive across the border for care like Canadians, but they will forsake us; and a drive across to Mexico will only lead to gunshot wounds and dysentery; verily. And the people will sit and wonder, ‘where is my money? Where is my job?’ And the leaders will say, ‘it was those conservatives who took it all away…but you have healthcare?’ But the people will ask, ‘why live longer if I can’t do anything, my money being used in collages and all?’ And their leaders will vanish on junkets and say, ‘What? I can’t hear you over the jet engine?’ And their leaders will have excellent health-care plans; for let it be known through all the land that leaders always deserve better stuff than the silly masses. Leaders and union members always get the best. And a famine of available doctors will descend, during which time getting an appointment will take longer than the Vice President making a cogent statement. The ER’s will overflow with the wretched refuse of health-care reform. The family doctors will dream of the days when they were paid with chickens or pies, and will (like everyone) receive small amounts of devalued dollars. Specialists will sleep in, and will stop doing extra procedures; bright students will become engineers, or community organizers. Doctors on salary will work with all the efficiency of the great, busy, industrious tree-sloth. Lawyers will flourish, however, and the land overflow with them; they will bring lawsuits against doctors with undiminished fury as states ‘explore options for tort reform,’ and legislators look on in pride and with satisfaction at protecting the freedom… of other lawyers. And on that great day when it all collapses like so many tongue depressors stacked up into the shape of Notre Dame cathedral, those who wanted it all will say, ‘who are you talking to? I was pressured! I was against it! It was those darn conservatives!’ And the New York Times will agree. Thus speaketh the prophet of health-care reform.